London Police...

...in 2005, 'execute' an innocent brazilian man cos he was wearing a 'winter coat and it looked out of place, due to it being 17 degrees in London at the time, so he must be one of the 7/7 bombers' (I'm paraphrasing, but that was a point made, in which case, anyone with brown skin in Australia would be gunned down too, because currently it's their winter and my word, they're all wrapped up to hell cos it's dropped below 22 degrees...my point being is that Brazil is a hot country too, so you need to adjust...anyway...) , now they arrest a kid for calling the Church Of Scientology a 'cult'. (I'm not comparing the two in terms of devastation by the way).

Read the story here and decide for yourself if this isn't the most ludicrous thing you've heard in the last day (ridiculous stuff happens all the time, so there's no point going over the top...). If you read further down the article, you'll notice that the Police 'came under fire' (the BBC's words, not mine, the irony, lucky they were only 'word bullets') for accepting gifts from the Church Of Scientology.

Reading this, it made me realise that I am lucky to not have suffered a similar bout of over reaction as this kid has a couple of years ago. I was walking past the Scientology 'shop' on Tottenham Court Road, when I was coerced into listing to the babbling of an 8 year old with learning difficulties, who was masquerading as a man in a black suit in his early 40's, (who more than likely became drawn to scientology by standing behind the barriers at movie premiers in Leicester Square and at the back doors of Covent Garden Theatres, come rain or shine, with thousands of others, who make you understand why eugenics became a concept, hoping that they might be able to get a 'wave' or photo of their celluloid heroes...phew), who, upon my asking of 'is this the scientology test', he avoided the question and said it was a 'personality test'...I asked if it would prove I was 'fun loving and thought cats were nice'. He persisted. I asked again if this was the dianetics test (I have no idea why he didn't just say yes, as the sign outside the premises says it in massive gold letters), to which he finally replied 'yes'. I then flippantly said 'No thanks, I'm in the process of starting my own cult'. He calmly, but annoyed muttered, 'it's not a cult'...

Not my most crowning moment by any stretch, as scientology is an incredibly easy target, but doesn't it worry you that the London Constabulary are now arresting people for things like this! (Not to mention the shooting in 2005) I know I've been away for almost a year, but surely our freedom of speech hasn't deteriorated that much. By this logic, the police should be arresting most people in football crowds for the amount of defamatory comments and songs that are said about each others teams and players (for the record though, the one about Gary Neville & Phil Neville being inbred is completely true, you ask anyone). As we're on the subject of Police brutality and over reaction, check out what New York had to offer from back in November. America always does things 'bigger'...












Back to scientology...I actually feel a little sorry for it (not really), in that they're trying so hard to prove themselves as legitimate, yet will never do so, because of the timing of the organisations inception i.e the 20th Century. I'm sure if we wait a couple of thousands years (unless we don't plummet into an ice age, yeah George Bush...), I'm sure scientology will be looked upon as being a 'real religion', because that is exactly what all the abrahamic religions have become today. When myth or fable survives time, it bizarrely becomes 'fact'.

I can't be bothered to go into the history of scientology, but it was written around a similar period to Lord of The Rings, and both contain volcanoes and 'souls being cleansed'...maybe one got taken a little more seriously. It goes to show that with the right amount of money and gullibility, anyone can have a religion so it's only fair that all those fantasy fanatics who spend hours painting Orcs and Elves and wizards etc, re-enacting battles for days and using spells such as 'plagues' etc, should be recognised as a religion...actually hold on, a shit load of students tried to get 'Jedi' onto the last census, so forget that...

L Ron - 'Orc, I now turn your water into...erm...poisoned water'

Tolkien -'Oh no, now generations of orcs will dehydrate'

L Ron -'Thankfully this is just make believe. Can you imagine anyone performing magic tricks so that water changes it's natural composition, say into wine for example, ha ha...'

Tolkien - 'Hold on, don't laugh. Apparently that did happen, less than 2000 years ago. Jesus did it'

L Ron - 'How do you know? Is there any footage of him on youtube doing it?'

Tolkien - 'No, but even more reliable than that, it's written in an old book and that guy with the megaphone in the centre of London is always going on about it'

L Ron - 'A book? Shit...I don't know what to say. I didn't know books could be that influential'
Tolkien- 'L Ron, I cannot believe you've not read the bible. Anyway, it was written once, but then they realised no one would follow it as time went on because it was a little too scary and fantastical, what with fire and brimstone and God trying to destroy everything. Much like that massive eye in the book I'm currently writing that I conveniently let you read the other day so the purpose of this banter makes an ounce of sense, but without the massive eye getting families to offer up their daughters to be gang raped or burnt at sacrificial alters (the book of Judges) as a form of offering to him...so it was re-written so that it would sound more feasible and less scary. But it's actually dead boring now. Aside from the crucifixion, which is pretty brutal. I've actually taken that martyr metaphor and used it in my book with Gandalf'

L Ron - 'Wow...actually J RR, speaking of books, I'm going to shoot off now. I've just this minute immediately come up with an idea for one. All I'll say is that it includes a massive war a Volcano and aliens falling into the volcano towards the end. I don't want to spoil it for you when it comes out so I won't give too much away'

Tolkien- 'Have you just stolen the premise of my book and replaced 'Gollum' falling into the Volcano with 'Aliens'...
L Ron - 'No...for a start 'Gollum' was evil and besides his spirit doesn't rise up into the atmosphere, cling to the bodies of the living and kickstart the beginning of the human race as we know it...sorry J RR, I've just spoiled it for you...actually can I have a percentage of your earnings for life?'
*speaking of continuity issues*

It's depressing/funny to know that I can't even think before I write sometimes...

xx